the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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