They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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