it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is it penis luge time yet?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
