The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
