kristin has been a bad kristin
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
