You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
