I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Actions speak louder than pants.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
