why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
