The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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