On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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