I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
