it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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