just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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