Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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