I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
3 2 1 whiskey
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
