I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
