What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
