Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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