wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
