how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Found the puke drawer
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
