This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
