what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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