I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize