hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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