Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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