So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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