so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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