just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
