so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This baby is an asshole
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
