my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize