I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
