i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
