dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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