I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think I won the penis lottery.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Randomize
