Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You were trust falling into bushes
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
