Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize