She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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