Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
