i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
