I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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