Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
