I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
