So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
