Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
