Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
