When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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