Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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