is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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