I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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