i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
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DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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