dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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