we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
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