hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
