omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
