Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
