worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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