Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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