Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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