whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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