i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
