Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
