So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
