So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
