I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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