You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
