ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
