ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
it's like heaven, but drunker
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
