i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
