I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
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Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
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When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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