dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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